Wednesday saw me go “back to work” for the first time in 8 years. Alhamdolillah.
An awesome opportunity fell right in my lap, something that I’ve been dreaming to do “one day”. I applied for the position thinking, itd be nice to find out, never once thinking I’d get the position. I got a call, went for the interview and got offered the position on the spot. I drove back home numb. I didn’t tell DH I got offered the position. I just said “llets see”. That evening I told him I got it but I’m not sure. He jumped up with joy. Sooo excited. He even got the kidos excited and next thing I know, I was slobbered with kisses and hugs. I was still hesitant.
What about the kids?, I said. I’ll work from home, he said.
What about their daily swimming lessons?, I said. I’ll work from there, I said.
What about food, the house, the laundry etc etc?, I said. What else am I here for, he said.
Alhamdolillah. He’s been so supportive and on the days that I’ve been hesitant, he’s given me the push to go and achieve what I want.
There’s supportive and then there’s excited. He wanted to go shopping with me to buy new clothes. He wanted to select my first day outfit (but stuff happened and I had to stay at my moms instead)n he wanted to see a picture of me in my first day outfit. He was buzzing with excitement and while I was dying in self inflicted guilt.
The night before my first day at work, I had tummy cramps. I was plagued with guilt about working when I don’t need to, being absent during the day, leaving the kids with Imran, compounding his work with additional chores etc etc. My close friends thought I sounded like an oppressed woman who thought working was haraam. It really felt like I was standing at the edge of some dark and fathomless abyss where a mere breeze could shake my balance.
But then in true Imran fashion, he proved my guilt baseless. Imran has his own simplistic way of dazzling life. His own peculiar blend of stubborn, determined caring and sweetness that can make me feel exasperated and guilty(for worrying unnecessarily) by turns.
I returned home the next day with the kiddos waiting at the door, blocking it incase I arrived early coz they didn’t want me to walk in till Baba finished vacuuming. It felt good to know that they were waiting for me to return, even if only so they could surprise me.