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Tunnelling through…

Need for speech? October 28, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — shezahasan @ 6:50 pm

Yesterday, I went to a couples-only lunch with approximately 15-20 couples (all aged between 23-29) – some vet moms, some new moms, some soon to be moms and some no-plan to be moms.  Although I was the youngest in age, I had been married the longest (child bride, I joked =P).

During lunch, as topics after topics were discussed (careers, social networks, Milton vs Mississauga, joint family system vs independent living etc etc) we came to the topic of parenting.

As I started speaking about my experiences, a couple of women let out *gasps* and asked ‘You’re a mom?!’.

I replied ‘yeah, infact I have another one coming!’

The unanimous response was ‘You’re not showing at all!!’. so i stood up and pointed to my outtie and replied with my blanket statement:  ‘trust me, its there!’.  I was then told how I’m only showing on my tummy and no where else etc etc.

I’ve heard them all this pregnancy (and the last!). People that I meet often tell me how much I’ve gained, whereas people I don’t meet often, tell me I’m not showing much. No one believes me when I say I’m in my eighth month (or atleast they pretend not to! =P).

Last pregnancy, I was a huge bloated turkey and everyone felt obligated to ensure I was aware of it. This pregnancy, I’m not as big but everyone feels obligated to inform me about proper nutrition and dietary needs of the baby. Ironically enough, since I’ve stopped taking prenatal vitamins, my daily food intake is almost twice as much in this pregnancy compared to what it was during the last one. Yet, my week to week comparison shows that I am 11lbs lesser in this pregnancy than I was at this time in the last one.

This other friend of mine who recently delivered, gained a significant amount of weight during pregnancy. But the comments she faced were horrifying. Some of the things I heard at her baby shower make me shudder! The woman was 8 months pregnant, she better be showing! And what is weight, but progress? What do people expect pregnant women to be like? Frail lil girls with a body of a 14 yr old?!

People assume a pregnant woman’s weight reflects what she eats or does. Its not about how much you eat, drink or exercise. I believe its about how your body works – (sorry, no credit to the mum, its all about nature!!) – its about how well your body accepts the embryo, how great your metabolism remains, whether you have swellings or complications etc, whether or not its hereditary etc. I strictly believe, its all upto nature.

A Portugese classmate of mine once told me that if anyone dares call you fat while pregnant, politely say ‘I’m pregnant, what’s your excuse?’, and you’ll never hear it again. I found that hillarious because I know she has the tact to say it too!!

I know its not a desi vs gora thing, coz my white classmates were telling about how tactless/rude and nosey some comments in their community can be.

What bothers me most is when vet moms compare their weight gains. Yes, yours or your sisters/mother’s/cousin’s badge of honour says they gained 15 lbs more or less than I did. Now what? I don’t see how any number can be so significant? My friend, L, suggested  that it really comes down to some form of inferiority complex they must be enduring which urges them to needle/boast about something that really holds no meaning.

Its not as if being small is always a compliment either. I hated being huge last pregnancy, but I don’t feel the greatest being small this time either. Earlier on in the pregnancy I wanted to be overweight so if the baby is born early, theres more chances of survival. Even when people say ‘surely you can’t be that far along’, I can’t help but pray that everything inside is going smooth! I’d be most content knowing that the baby is healthy, rather than what weight I carry her with.

All through yesterday, I was wondering why do people feel the compulsion to comment? I think what it really boils down to, is the fact that we feel that the only way we can connect with a pregnant woman is by commenting on her size! 

Its all a matter of perspective I believe. People can say all they want. Afterall, at the end of the day, I’m in the middle of making ourselves a gorgeous lil baby and to her (and her daddy!), my body is absolutely perfect in everyway! And thats all that matters =)


5 Responses to “Need for speech?”

  1. Annabelle Says:

    Great one, Sheza! I was a heavy one myself but my husband and I used to have a good laugh by telling people we’re having triplets or quads, only to hear them be worried about how small we were!

  2. Mona Says:

    aboslutely right. i have a post along similar lines lying in my drafts. hopefully i can get it done AND put it up today. been so busy.
    good to know all’s well with you!

  3. Ayesha Says:

    Good Post Sheza!! Now your making me worried about how ppl will react to me when I start gaining weight -so far Ive lost 20 pounds and everyones been commenting on how weak i look and how i should take better care of myself and eat more, but seriously how can I eat more and what is the point, if everything I force myself to put in my mouth ends up in the toilet within 10 min, only the stuff I feel like eating stays in (barely, but it stays) – and I totally agree weight gain depends mostly on your body and what is in your genes, rather than what you actually do

  4. chachi Says:

    if you gain too much, you’re eating too much, if you gain less, you aren’t eating enough. z was the most paranoid about my small belly because he wanted a big tubby baby…till he went to the prenatal class and learned about vacuums and forceps. and i think we all know of people who gained tons but had a tiny baby or gained nothing and had a huge baby.

    and you can’t take credit for anything, it’s your genes and Allah that determines it.

    i think with so many other things, people (sorry women) like to comment for the sake of commenting. and as with other things, people are never happy with the way things are.

  5. hinamommy Says:

    There’s something about pregnancy and child raising… someone out there will ALWAYS have a problem with the way you are. And your last line says it best… if you and your hubby are happy, THAT is what matters most.

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