Here’s to the two years that flew by..
The first of Ramadan, just a little after the jummah prayers in the year 2004. After alot of waiting and pushing, you came out into this world. It was this day, two years ago.
You were the much awaited first born for Baba and I – and also for both sets of grandparents. Your dadis and naani had been running around for months, shopping for you. Picking up lil knick knacks from everywhere. Afterall, a new baby was coming home soon.
As cliche as it sounds, it seems only like yesterday when Dr Levielle handed you over to us. We both were amazed. Every cell in my body had stop functioning ‘normally’ and switched over into nurturing mode. I held you against my chest. In that moment, Baba and I made a silent, solemn promise to love and protect you with whatever it took.
I can safely say that during your upbringing, regardless of anything else that we may have lacked in, love was always abundant. Not just from us two, but from your family around us. Your grandparents, your khalas, phoppo, chaachi and chachas. Infact, even now everyones life rotates and revolves around you. On our gloomiest day, you’ve been the reason behind our smiles. The first time you crawled, the first step you took, the first tooth you sprouted, the first word you said – you were encouraged and validated every step of the way.
They say kids bring a special joy into your lives. I think that’s an understatement. You’ve brought us so much more. I can’t even begin to list what you’ve meant to us. To this day, I have a hard time saying you’re my son. While most parents struggle to put their foot down firmly to establish roles, I’ve never had to.
You see, you’re not just my son. On my hardest day, you’ve been my confidante. I’ve told you my deepest and darkest fears. You’ve been the friend whom I’ve enjoyed hanging out with. We’ve been through malls and streets, like no one has. You’ve been the teacher who has unknowingly taught me so much about life and about myself. You’ve been my inspiration. You’ve been my jannah on earth. You’ve been my comfort. I’ve wept with you. I’ve wept for you. you’e been my companion on journeys across oceans. But above everything else, you’ve been the light of my soul. I couldn’t comprehend motherly love, until I met you. you’re a whole new dimension to the word: passion.
I remember cuddling you right into me on the day you were born. All three of us slept on the tiny hospital bed. I held onto you and woke up to every movement of yours. Your life created a whole set of new experiences for us. Comfort wasn’t a priority for us, as long as you were ok. It didn’t matter if we were melting away in the heat, on your most feverish days we’d never think twice about cranking up the temperature to make u feel comfy. From humidifier vs vaporizer, to bed vs crib or pampers vs huggies, we bought fought out every battle to raise you in the manner we believed befitted you best.
I may have made mistakes in your upbringing. I can’t see them yet, if i had to do this all over again, I wouldn’t do anything differently. But maybe time will scour out the gloss. When that gloss fades, for my err, I humbly seek your forgiveness. I don’t know if I will live to see you play out my dreams of you, but I pray that you will always strive for the best in both the worlds. I pray that you will put others before yourself, that you will mantain the mannerisms that your father is loved and respected by his friends and family for. I pray that you always seek justice and truth in all matters, inshaAllah. I pray that you will respect your elders and love your youngers. I don’t care if you don’t become our basketball player, as long as you become a valuable muslim inshaAllahu Ameen. 😉
My lil peanut, I wish you could feel the warmth that I feel when you hug me. I wish you could feel the love I feel for you – even when i wipe the poop off your butt! 😉 I wish you could feel the strings of my heart tugging at my soul when you smile at me. I wish you could feel the leaps in my tummy when u call out ‘mama’ in the middle of the night. Deep down, it doesn’t bother me having to repeat myself over and over to make you understand what I mean. Neither does it matter when you ruin our precious stuff because compared to you, it’s all garbage! It doesnt matter that I should be sleeping so i could wake up early tmrw to study for my exam – as long as I get to watch you sleep, so peacefully, for an extra minute or two. I love having you cuddled into me. I wish I could make you understand what unconditional love means. Even the grandest scale wont be able to weigh out my love for you.
My words are failing me again. It’s hard to write what I have for you. I’m just puting together an album of everything you’ve done with us over the last two years. I can’t believe one by one you’ve abandoned all your vestiges of childhood. As you enter toddlerhood, I pray and wish for you all the smiles and joys life could bring for you in this world and in the hereafter. ameen!