Fulfillment.. January 29, 2008

If I were to die today, I would die with a sense of gratitude – thanking God for letting me experience boundless love.

On being a mommy… January 26, 2008

Every time I look up from doing whatever it is that I may be doing, I notice Hana looking straight at me – as though I am the centre of her focus ALL the time.

For me, that has to be the most wonderfully fuzzy feeling in the world.

My Nursery.. January 24, 2008

Hana’s Crib “>Hana’s nursery.

Time.. January 23, 2008

After having spent the last three years managing parenting with school, family, business and volunteer commitments, for the very first time, I’m loving every bit of being a mom and, a mom alone.

Hana was born on December 4th, I had given myself a december 1st deadline to tie up all loose knots with my volunteer work. I had also fulfilled all my jewellry and pin orders by November 25th and had made plenty extra to last me till March this year iA. My college ended on December 17th and Alhamdolillah, I had worked ahead and handed in all my assignments well in advance and was clear by the time Hana was born. I had also managed to get a deferral, just in case I wasnt able to write the exams. Instead, I went back to school on the 10th and cleared out all exams ahead of time, simply because I wanted to get everything out the way and have a clear mind.

                          

I’m glad I did.

                          

Without all that on my plate, I suddenly seem to have so much more time to enjoy with Eesa and Hana. Although I absolutely LOVE being in school, this break feels like a blessing. Alot of older mums I have met, mention that they love quitting work to be mums – its like ending a phase of their life to start a new one. Although I have one more semester to go, it almost feels like I have ended a phase and am fully concentrating on enjoying my babies.

My day is consumed by them. With Hana, its the physical work – nursing, changing, showering etc. With Eesa, its mental – coming up with creative ways to keep him physically and intectually active. I absolutely love waking up every morning and deciding what to do for the rest of the day. From colour coordinating our clothes to coming up with attractive meal ideas, to anticipating the bell announcing the arrival of a CAS or health worker, my day is full of excitement. Although for an average person, my day is completely unproductive, to me my day is wholesome.

Cooking is one of my least preferred tasks but now I enjoy it because its a means to an end. It lets me know, that at the end of it all, we could sit together as a family and enjoy a proper meal.

At the end of it all, I don’t feel like I am missing out on anything else in life. Here in my home, I have the best of it all.

Peace is.. January 13, 2008

a sleeping baby! (Hana’s one month piccy!)

Hana Sleeping peacefully

 In other news, Eesa’s running a high fever as well. Poor thing looks really listless and tired and is not his usual self. So much so, he’s refusing to have chocolate or fizzed out sprite(recommended for hydration and energy). He is also refusing to argue back with daadi phoppo – something which RARELY ever happens, infact its NEVER happened before. Its heart wrenching to watch them both this way =(

 Well since I’m putting up pictures anyway, here’s a few pictures of Eesa and Hana together. Some of them look brutal, but I assure you, it’s only Eesa’s way of expressing his ‘love’.

Eesa and Hana 

Hana -ness

Eesa pinching Hana’s cheeks

Eesa and Hana in the morning

The scare.. January 13, 2008

Hana scared the living daylights out of us today. For the past few days, all of us have been going through a bout of cold with a stuffy nose and chest, accompanied by a cough.

 Today, however, Hana seemed exceptionally listless and weak. By midafternoon she lost her voice and refused to drink milk. She seemed to be having alot of trouble breathing so we called telehealth (a network of ontario registered nurses) who said to increase giving her saline. We tried saline drops and vaporizer, but while her nose wasn’t running, nothing much else wasnt changing. Soon her colour started to pale out and i noticed that her neck and stomach muscles were contracting into cavities each time she inhaled. Therefore we decided to take her to ER at Credit valley(hospital she was born at).

We were scared it would take hours, but alhamdolillah they took us in right away. With in 20 minutes (after a pre-screening by a registered nurse), she was admitted and about an hour later she was checked up by a doctor.

As soon as she was admitted and moved into her room, her colour seemed to be getting better and she wasn’t listeless anymore. Infact, she was suddenly moving her arms and legs and observing the lights and metal rods in the room. It was as though, suddenly she had cured herself. However, when the nurse saw her crying, she saw what we were talking about (her voice was still missing and breathing was hoarse). They monitored the oxygen through her feet and it was perfect alhamdolillah. Infact, even imran and I were shocked because we hadn’t seen her with this much energy in two days. Alhamdolillah, nonetheless. The nurse told us to bring her in again if her fever went over 38C and then discharged us.

Alhamdolillah, through this experience I really came to appreciate two things:

1. Telehealth services – an AWESOME free service by the government of Ontario that has been most helpful. It feels great knowing that I can call up and speak with a nurse at ANYTIME. I’ve called them up as late as 5 am during my pregnancy (abt whether or not i can take advil instead of tylenol). They are most helpful and answer questions regarding what medications are allowed and what aren’t. They do a pre-screening over the phone and tell you what signs to look for and even offer some home remedies (eg home made saline solutions).

2. Dr Shuja – Our peadiatrician since Eesa’s birth. He’s an EXCELLENT man mashaAllah. The best thing about him is the fact that he empowers the parents with the how-to’s. When Eesa was sick he told us to look out for certain signs before going to E.R and that knowledge helped us out today. As soon as we saw the cavities forming in Hana’s throat and stomach as she was breathing, we didn’t wait any longer and took her in. He also explains the causes and ways to prevent stuff in the future as opposed to simply relying on medicines to clear out the symptoms without eliminating the problem at its root. He’s just as holistic and anti-medications as we are. He doesn’t believe in useless vaccinations (eg rotavirus etc) and best of all, because he’s become a family friend now, we can call him anytime during the day and he’d ease our concerns over the phone.

Alhamdolillah for the lil mercies that come our way in the most unexpected ways. We met Dr Shuja Hafiz in a very random way. His wife, Salma used to study with Imran’s aunt at a time when I was 6 months pregnant with Eesa and couldn’t find a female gynae. When Salma heard this, she told her husband (a peadiatrician) and he immediately referred me to a female gynae he worked with. That’s how we found Dr Levielle who was our doctor that delivered Eesa and Hana both. Later on, I started teaching Salma and we became good friends (from being complete strangers). Dr Hafiz and Imran too mashaAllah get along really well and can spend hours together despite their age differences. Dr Levielle has also been most helpful in taking on a few of my other friend who weren’t able to find a female gynae either.

God does indeed have miraculous ways of blessing us in our lives.

Nayh-muh gawn =( January 12, 2008

Nayma Khala left today. =(

 Having her around had been HUGE for me. MashaAllah’s she’s one of those no expectation type of people, who’d do everything for you while expecting lil, or nothing, in return. In the past month, I barely got a chance to do anything for her, while she helped me out endlessly with Hana and Eesa both. Nayma, we’ll miss you! =(

In other news, remember when I told you about me having PPD? Well, now Children’s Aid has been involved and we’ve been having ’surprise’ visits from them. Alhamdolillah, I appreciate their support and involvement but the first visit was a SURPRISE. I couldn’t believe it and was soo scared. Mjuch of my fear was from the stories that I’ve heard from my past clients, but alhamdolillah once I told the lady that I’m a counsellor myself and work at ARISE, she relaxed like 10 notches and wasn’t as aggressive as before. Alhamdolillah its been going on fine so far. Both of us still maintain a fairly bittersweet relationship – mainly for the sake of the kiddos.

Hana and Eesa on Eid.. January 7, 2008

Below are pics of Eesa and Hana from Eid. Eesa refused to join in for a family pic or for a solo, so the only ones we have are with Safa (Imran’s cousin!). He didn’t let us take any pictures of him in the morning with his shalwar qameez sent by my daadi. Instead, he wore his red sweater – a gift from his daadi. The last pic is a candid shot of him late into the night (yes I was desperate for a pic atleast!). Hana’s outfit was a gift from chaachi. The blanket she’s wearing in the carseat pic is mine from 23 years ago, handmade by my daadi and carefully treasured by Mama.

Sorry the pics are late.

Bringing home the baby.. January 7, 2008

Changes since we’ve had Hana with us:

• Eesa’s become alot more independent. He just made him self a bagel and cream cheese sandwich ALL by himself. I have always kept his fave food within his reach, but he would never actually take the effort to ‘make’ himself anything apart from putting rice krispies and milk together. He’d usually opt for pretzels or craisins or other snacks that I keep for him over there.
• I’ve been going out less often and having people over more often.
• Shopping is impossible. Nayma and I tried twice, but right when we get there, Hana suddenly decides to get hungry and dirties her diaper, even though we’d just gone through the process right before leaving. By the time we’re done feeding and changing her (a good 45 mins!), Eesa is cranky and wants to go home. We drag him to stores, but its not fun.
• I can no longer go without a nap in the afternoon. I NEED them.
• When I thought I couldn’t possibly love Eesa more than I did, I’ve started to actualize my love for him even more. Amazing is the capacity within a womans heart – with a new one to tug at my heart strings, I should be maxxed out, right? But subhanAllah, I’m enjoying every lil bit of it with both of them and to a level I couldnt possibly imagine. Eevery time i Realize this, I have to stop and catch my breath all over again.
• I miss the time Eesa and I shared together. Although the quality of our time together has improved now, I miss being able to prepare everything for him the night before and then sitting with him while he did a ‘lesson’ or the joy of ‘discovering’ a website together. Nowadays, its all impromptu work. I just go to any of the websites I had compiled and let him do the work on his own.

Mommyhood on the go! January 5, 2008

I know I haven’t been posting much lately. But as you can guess, Eesa and Hana combined have my hands completely tied up. Alhamdolillah, its been amazing to watch both of them grow up. Eesa’s starting to get used to Hana by now – he’s asking me to call up ”Hana’s mommy”, to take her back, less often now and indulges in more loving (and less choking) kisses now (hinamommy assures me its completely normal – thanks mommy bible!) I’ve learnt the best way to stop his agression towards her is to make him responsible for her. The moment he starts kissing her aggressively, I ask him if he wants to hold her. All of a sudden, he becomes a good big brother and behaves perfectly well mA. Infact he notices stuff like how tiny her tongue or nails are and goes ‘aww!’

Imo’s returned to work and will inshaAllah be working more from his office rather than home for the next few weeks. Having him out for the past few days has been tough and I have no clue how I’ll cope once Nayma leaves. Alhamdolillah its not so bad with Hana, but MashaAllah Eesa is super intelligent and needs constant mental stimulation or else he starts stirring trouble by being naughty.

On Thursday, Nayma had a day out with friends and I was on my own with the two of them. Hana, Eesa, Nayma and I have been having throat infections and both Hana and I have been running a fever on and off so it was going to be a tough day. Alhamdolillah the day went by fairly smoothly though by 7 pm, I was EXHAUSTED. I had invited imran’s siblings and cousins over for a game night with pictionary and taboo but i was out like a tubelight. I’ve never been known to sleep early but for the past three days, i can’t stay up beyond 10pm.

Now Hana’s looking at me as though she wants me to hold her, I can’t resist.. so off i go:P