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Lifeskills: Sharing.. October 31, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — shezahasan @ 8:14 pm
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I think when it comes to teaching your child lifeskills, sharing is one of the toughest. About 6 months ago, baby centre sent out an email about behaviorial challenges. After reading it, I heaved out a sigh of relief on finally coming across a milestone(if i may call it one) that he was slagging behind on. However, my relief was short lived, to say the least.

I’ve noticed Eesa becoming rather aggressive lately. He’s learnt how to use his hand (*grr*), esp on his cousin Beeloo, to show his aggression. This happens especially when it comes down to sharing! Eesa’s also learnt about whom he can bully and intimidate and whom he can’t.

Last night, we had a mini family dinner at our place and throughout the evening both of them were at it with each other. So once everyone left, I started doing some research last night and here’s just one of the many interesting articles I came about:

Sharing


“It’s diffcult to teach sharing,” says Trish Nodolski, director of the Cedarville Nursery School here in Pottstown. “When you teach a child a letter, you may have to go over it a couple of times and they get it. When you’re teaching your child to share, you’ll be repeating yourself 50 times, and the child still won’t always share.”Not that sharing is a piece of cake for adults either. Paul Murphy, who teaches at Nonotuck Community School in Florence, Massachusetts, empathizes with children in his classroom who struggle with sharing. Even he can find himself getting frustrated if one of the kids wants to play with a block tower he’s building. It’s important for adults to model good sharing behavior, of course, but also to recognize that sometimes it’s simply hard to share. “It’s not that they don’t understand it,” he says. “It’s just that they are so into what they’re doing, they don’t want to share.”

Play groups are a natural place for children to practice sharing, say teachers, especially when parents join in. You needn’t be heavy-handed about it. Just encourage kids to ask for toys rather than grab them. And keep your expectations low. Character building is a lifelong process, so don’t stress out about not seeing results right away.

My little barbarians aren’t quite where they need to be yet, social skills-wise, but there are times when they manage to be downright civil with each other. “Hannah share with Lizzie,” Elizabeth recently demanded of her sister. “No,” Hannah said. So Elizabeth smacked her. “That’s not nice,” I told Elizabeth. “What do you say?” She thought for a second and then: “May I please hit Hannah?”

It’s a start.

Help someone?

 

Appreciation vs Depreciation.. October 31, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — shezahasan @ 7:13 pm
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I don’t know if this ad ever made it to Craigslists forums or not, but I found it my inbox today and thought its worth a share!

THE FOLLOWING APPEARED ON CRAIG’S LIST :

What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy.I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 – 250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won’t get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms, etc.

- What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my feelings

- Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I’ve seen really ‘plain jane’ boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What’s the story there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows – lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY.

Please hold your insults – I’m putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t
able to match them – in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 432279810

THE ANSWER: Dear Pers-431649184:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you! So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful” as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way. Classic “pump and dump.”

I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

 

Need for speech? October 28, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — shezahasan @ 6:50 pm
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Yesterday, I went to a couples-only lunch with approximately 15-20 couples (all aged between 23-29) – some vet moms, some new moms, some soon to be moms and some no-plan to be moms.  Although I was the youngest in age, I had been married the longest (child bride, I joked =P).

During lunch, as topics after topics were discussed (careers, social networks, Milton vs Mississauga, joint family system vs independent living etc etc) we came to the topic of parenting.

As I started speaking about my experiences, a couple of women let out *gasps* and asked ‘You’re a mom?!’.

I replied ‘yeah, infact I have another one coming!’

The unanimous response was ‘You’re not showing at all!!’. so i stood up and pointed to my outtie and replied with my blanket statement:  ’trust me, its there!’.  I was then told how I’m only showing on my tummy and no where else etc etc.

I’ve heard them all this pregnancy (and the last!). People that I meet often tell me how much I’ve gained, whereas people I don’t meet often, tell me I’m not showing much. No one believes me when I say I’m in my eighth month (or atleast they pretend not to! =P).

Last pregnancy, I was a huge bloated turkey and everyone felt obligated to ensure I was aware of it. This pregnancy, I’m not as big but everyone feels obligated to inform me about proper nutrition and dietary needs of the baby. Ironically enough, since I’ve stopped taking prenatal vitamins, my daily food intake is almost twice as much in this pregnancy compared to what it was during the last one. Yet, my week to week comparison shows that I am 11lbs lesser in this pregnancy than I was at this time in the last one.

This other friend of mine who recently delivered, gained a significant amount of weight during pregnancy. But the comments she faced were horrifying. Some of the things I heard at her baby shower make me shudder! The woman was 8 months pregnant, she better be showing! And what is weight, but progress? What do people expect pregnant women to be like? Frail lil girls with a body of a 14 yr old?!

People assume a pregnant woman’s weight reflects what she eats or does. Its not about how much you eat, drink or exercise. I believe its about how your body works – (sorry, no credit to the mum, its all about nature!!) - its about how well your body accepts the embryo, how great your metabolism remains, whether you have swellings or complications etc, whether or not its hereditary etc. I strictly believe, its all upto nature.

A Portugese classmate of mine once told me that if anyone dares call you fat while pregnant, politely say ‘I’m pregnant, what’s your excuse?’, and you’ll never hear it again. I found that hillarious because I know she has the tact to say it too!!

I know its not a desi vs gora thing, coz my white classmates were telling about how tactless/rude and nosey some comments in their community can be.

What bothers me most is when vet moms compare their weight gains. Yes, yours or your sisters/mother’s/cousin’s badge of honour says they gained 15 lbs more or less than I did. Now what? I don’t see how any number can be so significant? My friend, L, suggested  that it really comes down to some form of inferiority complex they must be enduring which urges them to needle/boast about something that really holds no meaning.

Its not as if being small is always a compliment either. I hated being huge last pregnancy, but I don’t feel the greatest being small this time either. Earlier on in the pregnancy I wanted to be overweight so if the baby is born early, theres more chances of survival. Even when people say ’surely you can’t be that far along’, I can’t help but pray that everything inside is going smooth! I’d be most content knowing that the baby is healthy, rather than what weight I carry her with.

All through yesterday, I was wondering why do people feel the compulsion to comment? I think what it really boils down to, is the fact that we feel that the only way we can connect with a pregnant woman is by commenting on her size! 

Its all a matter of perspective I believe. People can say all they want. Afterall, at the end of the day, I’m in the middle of making ourselves a gorgeous lil baby and to her (and her daddy!), my body is absolutely perfect in everyway! And thats all that matters =)

 

its 6 am… October 25, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — shezahasan @ 5:06 pm
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and all has been well at this end for the past 3 hours, hiccups and all!!

 Yes, we lost all our sleeping patterns during the last ten days of ramadan and are up at the weirdest moments. Sleep at night is a luxury, to say the least! During Eesa’s pregnancy I would barely sleep at night from very early on. Alhamdolillah this time around, sleep was not much of an issue until this week but I’m praying it will get back into track by next week iA. Freesia seems to be super active really early in the morning, jumping around and hiccupping like crazy!

Sorry for being MIA for a bit. Alhamdolillah, this ramadan went by really fast. Although Dr Levielle advised me not to fast for almost the last two thirds of ramadan, I still managed to sneak in a day or two every week alhamdolillah.

Imo was gone for the last ten nights and although Eesa and I got to see him everyday, we missed him intensely. Initially, Eesa was so thrilled about Imo moving into the mosque, he wanted to join in as well. On the first night, he brought his pillow, sheets, brush and nightsuit with him, thinking he would be sleeping over as well.  On most nights, he slept over at the masjid or went over to daadis after taraweeh and came back for the qiyaam. At the masjid, he’d run around with the boys as they played football or catch and would constantly sit on someone’s lap while they did group discussions. Alhamdolillah I love the comfort he has being around the mosque.

Eid was great Alhamdolillah. A little slower than usual but fun food alhamdolillah (pix to follow:P). We spent the night before wrapping and sortting gifts. Alhamdolillah this time we had TONS of them to hand out. We got up super early, did a family gift exchange and then rushed out to the masjid for fajr (wanted to be there early so we could secure a good parking spot:P). From there we headed out to Dada and Daadi’s place for a day full of craziness. Eesa’s favorite Aziz chacha and Audrey Chachi flew in from St Louis for the weekend. The open house at mom’s was till 4pm but we had guests coming in till 6pm. Dinner was at Imo’s chacha and chachi’s place, where Eesa and Beeloo got to hang out with all their cousins from their dad’s side.

We also went for an ultrasound in Ramadan. Dr Levielle hadn’t recieved the reports until our last appointment, hopefully by this week we’ll know where everything is. One good thing that came out of the ultrasound was (apart from the fact that we got to see Freesia again) that we had the gender confirmed. Ladies and Gentlemen, she’s STILL a girl! :P The technician also demystified the common myth that there are more chances of the gender being the same if its a boy. She said that the chances of an error are just the same because there have been many instances where a finger or the cord has been mistaken for the male genital. Most mistakes happen when the genital is not clearly visible and the technician makes a guess.

We’ve got two kids staying with us for the week. Their mum needed babysitting help for the week. Having three kids under three has been like having a tornado in the house, to say the least. If one cries, all three cry. If one wants one toy, all three want it too. But at the same time, they cant d anything without each other either. If one is going to the backyard, they wont go until the others come. It’s good practice, I tell ya!

Anyhow, before they all get up and going again, I’m off!

 

Festivities.. October 12, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — shezahasan @ 6:30 pm
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EidAs Eesa and I rolled out our new rug in our living room and put out red streamers and fairy lights around the house for Eid, it brought back so many memories of eid with my own family.

Eid is always a turmoil of emotions for me. I feel thrilled to be around imo and Eesa but part of me still yearns for my parents, sisters and grandparents. This is the day I miss my grandfather in his white shalwar qameez the most. I miss the loud craziness that eid brought. This is the day our house went under a yearly overhaul – new bedsheets, new carpets, everything came out on this day. The night before eid, mama cooked yummies while us girlies would take turns to iron out our clothes or helping with the home decor.

Tonight, when Imran returns home InshaAllah, we will switch on all the decorative lights around the house. We will then go out for a nice, yet simple feast as a family (for the first time in ten days!) inshaAllah. Then Imo will iron out his new thobe and shalwar qameez, along with eesa and my clothes. While I’ll put out new bedsheets and hang up all of our new wall decors. We’ll then wrap out gifts for family and friends inshaAllah. Eesa’s gifts are already wrapped and waiting to be opened tmrw morning before Eid Salaah inshaAllah.

As exciting as everything is around us, I can’t help but wish to celebrate Eid with my parents and hubby n babies – all together- sooon inshaAllah!!