I’m really picky about space. Physical space, mental space and verbal space. So I’ve been spending the last lil while clearing out each of those…
.. be back when theres some more room!
And I will always Love you… June 20, 2009
Continuing with the catching up on tags/memes on this blog, up next is the around the world in 80 clicks! Jammie mommy tagged me in hopes of lurking me out of my hibernation, and here I am. We basically have to write 5 things we love about being a mom and tag someone else from around the globe with it.
1. When I sat to write this down, I was at a loss for words. What can I possibly write that no one else hasn’t yet? And thats exactly whats so magical about motherhood, as unique as our children are to us, we’re all universally connected through our emotions as mothers. This morning, I stood at the front of my driveway and held a 20 minute conversation about the environment and its impact on us with a stroller jogger that was jogging by our house with her daughter. I’d never even seen her, forget met her before! In the past three months, I’ve had deep and meaningful conversations with “strangers” in Quebec, Ottawa, Toronto and Newyork. Visibly, we had absolutely no connections in terms of age, race/ethnicity, careers etc but we connected as moms! I find it phenomenal! I connect really well with moms who seem to grow well roundedly, who are well aware of their environment or current affairs, who are actively contributing to society as well as involving their children in everything they do – in short, women who were and are someone else besides being a mom.
2. I love how having kids has affirmed my faith in Allah swt even more. I can’t see how any conscientious person can deny the existence of a Greater Being after having kids. When I was pregnant with Eesa, I would religiously follow babycentre’s emails and would constantly be amazed how systematically God has created us. Each phase and step is synchronized to create a perfect being and if we try to interfere too much (eg even ultrasounds), we could actually harm the baby. Likewise, when they arrive, they need to grow at a certain pace. If we mould them or interfere too much to our desires, we can actually curb their real potentials. Its such a beautifully, delicate system and each day I strive to improve myself so I could exemplify to them the beauty of having faith, spirituality, accountability and therefore, compassion and mercy in our daily lives.
3. I love how being a mom has changed me for the better. It has made me more aware and conscientious. It has expanded my horizon and given me amazing multitasking/organizational and planning capabilities. Just when I think I couldn’t do something, I draw on some crazy strength from within to carry me that extra mile. I find my self more giving and less selfish. More or less critical and accepting – depending on the situation. Motherhood has pushed me to improve myself in order to become a better example for my children. Having children has also pushed me to continue my anti-oppression work and to further my endeavour in working for the improvement in the lives of marginalized people and to help social justice find a stronger ground in Canada. one day iA!
4. I have developed a new found love and respect for my mom. As I reflect on the past 7 years of my life, EVERY thing she’s ever told me has come true. Things I never imagined, happened. And I’ve learnt to follow her intuition and to go with her advice because she KNOWS. As I grow further into the role of being a mom, I know that I see myself easing into the ways that she raised us. And its soo much simpler and easier to simply follow her way! On the days when things are going haywire in our home, I just have to call her to get myself reenergized and back into the mommy groove because she’s done an awesome job of it. Above all, she did it very simply.. without the shoo shaa’s of wanting to live up to some fake glamour mom image. And I value and respect that ALOT. It hurts me to know I never understood the value of her emotions, until I became a mom. And it (along with Mona mommy:P) serves to remind me constantly that my kids will never love me like I love them.
5. Being a mom was the only reason why I felt that knot in my heart, tummy and soul when I left Eesa behind at school for the first time. It is also the reason why my heart lunges to my throat each day as we walk to the car for school every morning and then rests there until he get back home. It is also the reason why I could feel his cries when he was circumcized and also the very reason why I get super excited when I see airplanes. It is also the reason why I felt my heart thud out of my chest when she fell off the bed when she was three months old and also the reason why I chose to wear the colour of hijab that I wore today, and yesterday.
This post I dedicate to all my children – to the two whom I live for each day and the other two whom I pray to for all of us to reunite with in Jannah inshaAllah. ameen.
As for the tags, its for anyone who wants to do it! Go ahead do it and link it back up here!
Parental Peeve… June 2, 2009
Seems like I’m back. For the time being at least! However, since my grey matter has temporarily lost its functioning ability, what better way to get back into the blogging groove than to catch up with tags! So here’s the first one:
A few months ago, Mari tagged me to do a post on my biggest parental peeve.
Hmm, generally speaking I’m pretty open to everyone doing their own thing. To each their own. As long as it doesn’t hurt me or my kids, its really upto them what they want to do with their kids. Yeah, there are a few-plenty things I wouldnt do for myself, but thats a learning moment and doesn’t really irk me.
When I told Mari that I can’t do the tag coz I don’t have pet peeves, she asked me “Does nothing really bother you? What if someone hits your son?”. Nope, doesn’t bother me. My son’s gone through phases where he’s hit plenty of kids. I’ve talked, explained, reasoned, punished etc etc, but nothing worked. Until he outgrew it.. eventually. I was really embarassed, but there was nothing I could do more. Alhamdolillah now he’s learnt to inform an elder and not hit – esp when someone else hits him.
I’ve had a kid who has made Eesa’s nose bleed and the same kid gave him a lip cut during playdates but I also know that Eesa is capable of doing the same to other children. I will not judge the child. Also, since I will not always be next to Eesa, this is a learning moment for him in my house before the big bad world gets to him.
So no, hitting is not a big deal in my terminology. “But what about candies and cokes?” Mari asked. Hmm! Nope, doesn’t do it for me either. Eesa’s dentist said that as long as he brushes regularily afterwards, its ok. We don’t have icecream, coke or candies at home so the only time he gets it is at his grandparents’ place or when we go out for dinner which is only twice a week anyway. So no judgement calls there either.
“Ok, so just post about something that you wish parents didn’t do!”, Mari said.
Hmm, thats easy! With the world going crazy these days, there is plenty to write about. But I’ll spare that one for another post. Here’s a simpler one that I’ve noticed recently at alot of parties and playdates:
FOOD WASTAGE!
Brown mums have this OBSESSION with feeding their kids tummy to the brain. Apparently the fatter the child, the healthier the child. I know women who’ve been pressurized to feed their kids malai(cream) to make sure that the child is chubby. Sure, if it floats your boat, keep rowing!
However, I’ve seen sooooooo many moms who fill up their children’s plate to the brim and then keep pressurizing the child to finish it. OBVIOUSLY the child won’t eat soo much so they tend to leave the food. As a mom, we generally know how much our child’s appetite is. So give the kids food accordingly. I know that kids are kids and they tend to give us a run for our money and will therefore throw us in a loop at parties, public space etc. Ok, so finish up your child’s leftover! But no, the moms are too full to finish it. So they leave the food. Who are they expecting to finish the food or take on the sin of throwing it away? The hostess?
I’m the kind who can’t see food go to waste. Alhamdolillah with the privilege of having travelled the world, also comes the unfortunate experience of seeing living conditions that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I distinctly remember certain eyes, too dry to even cry. And those eyes compel me to eat the leftover food at my house. After every party/playdate, I clean up peoples plates and finish everyone’s leftovers. Yes, I know its gross. But history bears witness to the fact that it only takes a moment for God to change our living conditions around and God forbid, those eyes might belong to my son or daughter tommorow. With that thought in mind, I just eat in gratitude.
So there it is. The one thing that I wish parents didn’t do: leave behind leftovers. I wish they would give small servings and not overload the plates. And if they did, I wish the parents would finish the leftover. If they don’t finish it, I wish they would pack it up and take it home with them. Or atleast throw it away themselves.
So go on, what is YOUR parental peeve?
Daughters of Mine.. April 29, 2009
Daughters of Mine
You poor dears.
Bored of meetings in spare office spaces instead of play dates. You sit on my knees while I type emails and I bribe you with Sunmaid raisin boxes and cheerios for a few more minutes to finish up this or that. You become resigned to my requests for “five more minutes,” and so often I realize I take advantage of a toddler’s patience.
As a MAS Youth worker, I get fellow activists without children sometimes coming up to me and expressing admiration at how we moms manage to stay active with multiple little people in our arms. The truth is, it is not easy and there is guilt.
Oh yes, guilt.
Especially at those moments when our intentions are buried somewhere under mountains of dirty laundry and mega blocks. At playgrounds and mothers’ discussion boards, I meet the kind of moms who take their children’s drawings, trace them on burlap, embroider the drawings, frame them, and hang them up in little rows along the stairs.
Wow. I… Huh.
Maybe in the hours during the day that I spent on the computer or on conference calls, I could have read fifty more stories to you. I could have cuddled you a little more and taught you how to write your ABCs at three years instead of four. Maybe you would have gotten more baths. You would have eaten more vegetables and less cereal. Our home would be tidier, the walls of your room would be stenciled, and you would have knitted sweaters and socks and get to bake homemade cookies.
But wasn’t there something different in our home? Was there a light, a glow, a warmth, something that special was not from this earth?
Please tell me you learned something from me being an active Muslim woman working for a better future. Please, Allah, make her learn something from me.
Out of everything you learn at home, I hope you learn first of all what it means to lay your life down in the service of Allah. Certainly you will not learn this from me, but I pray you will learn it from the people I associate with, the ideas we invite to, and the values I teach you. I hope Allah will guide you, despite my mistakes and shortcomings, if only because I tried in my clumsy way to please Him.
Nothing can limit you in doing what you dream of, and yes, you can have it all. You can be a mother, an activist, a wife, an explorer, a dreamer, an artist, a debater, a scientist, and a volunteer. You can be many or all of these, but the only calling I as your mother will insist upon is that you be a true believer. One day you will grow up a woman, a parent, a wife, a sister, but before all of that I pray you will trade your soul for Allah’s pleasure. However you choose to make that bargain with Allah, whether you choose to dedicate your life to raising righteous children, pursue a career serving others, or dedicate yourself to a movement for social justice, I hope you would have gotten just the tiniest, itsy-bit of inspiration from me.
And, I pray that you feel blessed to have been my child.
Maha Ezzeddine
Maha Ezzeddine lives in Houston, Texas with her husband and three daughters. She is a dedicated MAS worker, part-time writer, creative homemaker and beloved daughter, sister and friend.
Things I want to do right NOW… April 13, 2009
Random list of to do’s on my mind right now:
- Be a lawyer
- Be a social justice advocate
- be with my kids instead
- have thirty minutes to pray in peace – with some ‘proper’ conection with God aka khushoo
- Go sky diving
- Have a nice raspberry/strawberry margarita from Mexicali Rosa’s
- Go for a hot shower followed by a nice massage
*phew* With exams going on right now, my brain didn’t have the space to retain all that. Thank you for being ptient while I unloaded that! It’s nice to make room for all the other gibberish I have to cram in this week! =) *sarcastic grin 
*
Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me? December 23, 2008
1. Children learn and develop according to a very strict schedule: their own.
2. There are no 16 year olds who are not toilet trained.
3. Any parenting lesson you painstakingly learn with your first child will be completely inapplicable to your second child.
4. The key to great parenting is a ton of love, support and acceptance. Make sure you’re getting enough.
5. Children are not as smart as those parenting books make them out to be. They’re way, way smarter.
6. With dedication and hard work, there will come a point when you know exactly how to handle any stage of your child’s development. Generally, this will occur when he’s halfway through the next 0ne.
7. When you find yourself, at 8am on a saturday, waist deep and shivering in your community pool trying to coax a screaming two year old off thedeck, what you need to remember is this: No election was ever won or lost on the basis of which candidate was prepared to put his face in the water.
8. There is only one thing that ever kept me from being a perfectly organized, perfectly patient, perfectly wise parent: being human
9. There is only one foolproofway to keep your children from whining in the grocery checkout line: leave them at home.
10. Raising children is confusing, challenging and over far too soon. And sometimes the wisest thing to do is just sit back and enjoy it.
(Excerpted from Today’s Parent April 2006 issue.. page 146)
